Content warning: this article discusses alcohol use and other sensitive topics.
Sam’s mornings begin early these days. Sunrise is spent with his 3-year-old son collecting eggs from the chicken coop.
It’s one of the rituals that has become an important part of Sam’s life since he stopped drinking alcohol more than three years ago.
Sobriety has shifted his perspective, where he once wanted to control the things around him. Now, he chooses to enjoy the chaos that can come with being the father of two young children.
Since he was 16, Sam says he questioned his alcohol use.
“Alcohol is what I did every single weekend from 15 years old, and before that I drank every now and then. On the weekends I’d drink and plan other stuff around that,” Sam said.
“There are so many different stages of denial. I’d think, ‘I don’t drink Monday to Friday“, then I don’t drink Monday to Thursday. Before you know it, you’re drinking from Wednesday to Sunday, often against your will.
“It gets to the point where it’s like, ‘at least I haven’t lost my job yet, at least I haven’t lost my partner yet’… you start clutching at straws by the end to justify it to yourself.”
Throughout his 20s, Sam tried several times to cut back, or cut out alcohol, before he made the change three years ago.
After a month in, Sam said things felt different, but sobriety was far from an easy choice. He says there were often “excuses” to have a drink, particularly working in the construction industry where he was regularly surrounded by alcohol.
“It’s what we do. My crew, they work away a lot and every afternoon it’s beers, then you go to the pub,” he said.
“It took me a long time to really feel comfortable telling people that I’m not drinking.”
Four months into sobriety, Sam and his partner welcomed their first son and moved to their new home on the NSW South Coast.
During these early months, Sam said he experienced anxiety and found it difficult when questioned by others as to why he didn’t drink alcohol.
Sam started to share his experience online. In hindsight, he says this was a way to connect with people who had similar experiences.
“I started writing about my experience straight away and sharing it, but it took me a long time to share it with anyone I knew,” he said.
Sam has now found his community since joining a 12-step fellowship 18 months ago.
He had been unsure whether the support group was for him.
“It’s the most mutually beneficial thing I’ve ever come across in my life,” he said.
Now three years into sobriety, Sam has made major changes to his lifestyle and mindset.
“I’m trying really hard to make sure my head and my feet are in the same place, they haven’t always been,” he said.
He has taken up meditation and says fatherhood has allowed him to see the positives in the uncertainty of his day-to-day life.
“I just want people to see that it works, and life can get better… my life is so much fuller,” he said.
Sam feels passionately about sharing his story and hopes that young men who are thinking about their own alcohol use will know they can reach out for support.
“It’s a community that I’ve never been lucky enough to be a part of, and I don’t want to lose it. These days, if I have anything I don’t want to talk to anyone about, there’s usually a sober person that springs to mind.
“It’s my kind of people and I’ve searched for that my whole life.”
